i love my mac
The summer after i graduated high school a friend of mine called asking if i wanted to go see a movie.
The movie was Mortal Combat. I would have declined the invitation, but the tickets were free so i accepted and we went to the show.
It was actually a pretty good movie and it had a KICK ASS soundtrack.
After the show I really wanted to buy the soundtrack, but it was, like, ten thirty and my friend told me that no music stores would be open. I begged him to stop at the multi media superstore that was on our way home any way and he obliged.
low and behold the parking lot was packed and the store open for and having a party because at midnight Windows '95 was being released.
and that is the only good thing Microsoft has ever done.

Writer's Block: Where in the World...
I've been away from the web for a while. Sometimes life takes so much time :) Every time i return i remember how much i love it here... it's like revisiting favorite vacation destination.

I love when i return to a site and find lots of new updates and features and this writers block thing really got me excited so i'm going to use it.

If you were independently wealthy, where in the world would you live and how would you spend your time?

I love the town i live in so i would stay put. I would want to get a house about a mile away from where i live now, in a part of town that is a little older and has a lot more character. I wold keep the house we live in now and use it as an office house. I'd love to mess around on the computer all the livelong day, working on design and animation projects all with the intention to make people smile. I'd do things the way i do now and do different types of things, some that might make people happy to look at, others that make people feel loved and of course, things that amuse. I would probably spend a lot of time drawing inside jokes out to the Nth degree. And i would but all the cat toys ever!

I hope you are all doing well and look forward to catching up!

just so you know, seeing ten guys walking down the street dressed as the gang from A Clockwork Orange is really very scary!

is it just me
Every thing I see lately seems like it’s a first draft. I drove past a shoe store today called enchanted shoe. It made me think that the person who came up with the name wanted to give the place a Cinderella feel, but called the sign company the moment a thought popped into their head instead of waiting one moment to remember the term magic slippers. Either that or someone was going thesaurus crazy, which is something else I’ve noticed going on especially in magazine articles. I don’t know if the quality of work being required in the world is going down or if my own level of production is beginning to elevate. Either way I feel confidant that I can sell a freelance article, or at least become a shoe store namer.

antsy in my pantsy
Well, my washing machine stopped working on Sunday and, because of extremely snowy weather, the repair man will not be able to come out until tomorrow… Thursday. I’m getting excited to do laundry because of my jeans. I am right now wearing my tightest jeans. Three weeks ago I thought they might be a size 6 because they were so tight, but they are just a small size 8.  Since then I’ve lost 5 pounds and today they are actually loose on me. I want to put them on straight from the drier and see if I can get into them as easily as I did today.

turn turn turn
My washing machine is broken. It just stopped spinning. Someone is supposed to come out and look at it in the morning. It’s going to snow all night and I’ll understand if they have to cancel the service call. Because lets face it, every day the washing machine is broken is one less day I have to make up an excuse for not doing the laundry.

just like that debbie gibson song
I had a dream about creating unrealistic goals for myself to live up to. In my dream I was to perform in an office talent show. I signed up to play the piano. I’m not a piano player in real life and I wasn’t one in my dream. At first I wasn’t worried, I had two weeks to learn one piece. Then I got the bright idea to play a different piece in a smaller recital a week before the show for work. I gave up several days before the small commitment, and my dream ended with me back stage at my work talent show crying back stage over an upright piano quitting that show as well.
The dream was weird because I don’t give up on things that are so public. I might end up doing something poorly or figuring out an easier way to fulfill whatever obligation I’ve committed myself to. I do, however, give up on personal commitments all the time. And since dreams aren’t literal, I think that’s what my subconscious might be talking to me about. I haven’t made any really big personal goals in a long time. I don’t want to think of my self as a failure so I don’t give myself the chance to fail. I will come up with grand ideas want to make a reality, and it is easy to put off doing the small things that will make up the big thing.   But recently I’ve started to make specific, reachable goals for myself. It’s exciting to have things that I want to do, but having a deadline has a way of shutting me down. I don’t know if it’s carried over from high school, but I have a hard time trying to get something done if I think that I want it done in two weeks. I start it, do ten minutes of work and then stop, because I have two weeks to finish it. It’s a hard habit to break, but one that I am working on because I don’t just want to finish these things, I want to be proud of the work I’ve done.
Another thing about the dream that struck me was the crying. I’m not a big crier, especially not in public, especially not when it comes to failure because of lack of work. In my dream I cried. I don’t know if I did it to get out of my commitment easier. I don’t think that’s why I was crying, though I think I was worried that people would think of my behavior in that way. I think I was crying because I let my self down and I was disappointed in myself. I don’t want to let myself down any more. I have been worried that the things I do will be rejected. When I quit working after ten minutes I do so after getting a tightness in my chest telling me that whatever it is I’m doing isn’t going to be easy, I’m actually going to have to work at it. I think the dream was telling me that I have to do all that I can do, because only I will know if what I put out there is the best work I can do. Weather it is accepted or rejected, if it isn’t my best I’m going to feel like a failure. Not completing my goals isn’t an option, that’s a big step for me. Now I need to be sure I can be proud of the way they are met.

on the bright side
My cat has started sitting on my keyboard and the last time it happened she managed to change the way my internet browser appears on my screen. It’s a little annoying, but only time will tell if it’s annoying enough for me to figure out how to switch it back.  
Anyway, the fun thing about snow on the ground is that it reflects all the sunlight and makes the whole day feel like sunrise. Its days like today that make me feel like spring can’t be that far around the corner. Temperature wise I totally could have taken a walk today, but I don’t have footwear that will allow me to trudge thru four inches of snow. Oh well, every year we get a 65 degree day in February. Hopefully that day isn’t too far away and will allow me to follow it into the great outdoors. 

snow night
It’s snowing like crazy here. The schools have been closed for the past two days because of freezing temperatures and I think they might close again tomorrow because of all the snow. School closings have no direct effect on me any more, but I know a lot of teachers so I love to cheer them on into a day off work. The cold weather closings reminded me of the best week of high school ever. It was the week after midterms senior year and it got so cold that school was closed all week. It was great for two reasons; since the roads were fine my mom let me go out with my friends who were driving, and because there wasn’t any snow my friends couldn’t drag me out sledding or anything lame like that so we spent the week hanging out at the mall and at each others houses. Today I hung out at my house with my sister, a teacher, and watched a stupid movie. And if school is called off tomorrow and people want to go sledding I don’t have to go, because I have something I didn’t have in high school. Now I have caller ID and can screen all my incoming phone calls.

a blaux’s search for meaning
There once was a time when I couldn’t walk past one of those quarter trinket machine with out inserting a coin receiving a crapy prize. I was so pleased when one time the plastic egg that rolled out of the mouth of the machine contained a small heart shaped padlock with a tiny key. I put key and lock on my chainless key ring and went on about my day.
That night I went out with a bunch of friends and ended up back at a specific friends place. This friend was a man who I had never though about in romantic terms, not even to disregard him as a romantic prospect. That night something changed, and while our romance didn’t begin that evening we admitted to each other later that it was then we each realized we wanted something more from the other.
Soon we were in love and inseparable so I was with him when I noticed out loud that the key to my heart lock was missing. He produced the key from his pocket; told me he’d taken it. He said it poked him in his leg and he loved that pinch that reminded him of me. I told him that the day I’d put the lock on my key ring was the day we’d first unlocked our feelings for one another. We took this as a sign and basked in the meaning we ascribed to it, the same meaning we found in every sign we saw, that we were meant to be.
As long as things were good between us we saw these sorts of signs as they were presented. I can pin point the moment things turned for the worse between us, and after that there were no more good signs. I don’t think they stopped existing, but that we (or at least I) stopped looking for them. I did continue to see sings. All of which, like when I lost my keys and the heart lock with them, pointed to the fact that what the two of us had was over.  And when our relationship finally did end I felt a sick sense of control in that I’d seen it coming.
Interesting how when I was in love and found deep meaning in the random acts of coincidence that presented themselves to me outsiders rolled their eyes, seeing very little magic in the occurrences. It was when I was in turmoil and every path I took had a black cat crossing it that I talked myself out of the significance of the signs I was being given and waited for something more concrete to tell me what was going on. I rode the wave of good and sat motionless when I landed on the shore of bad. There is a lot of talk about noticing the small stuff and I thought I was lucky because noticing the happy miracles that happen all around comes natural for me. I thought that the bad signs we receive were simply to be experienced as well. But when I’m having a good time and receiving good signs I want to continue doing the things that brought me to that place to begin with. Bad signs aren’t something to live with, the shed light on places that require a change. 


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